


The Stars Can’t Compare to You

by shortandsweet



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, post-reunion, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21805984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortandsweet/pseuds/shortandsweet
Summary: Gon wonders why Killua always pushes people away.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	The Stars Can’t Compare to You

“Killua? Why don’t you ever like new friends I introduce to you?” Gon asked, turning his gaze away from the glimmering stars to look at his best friend (who Gon would argue is a better view than any stars). Killua stayed silent and almost didn’t react, except for a slight downwards twitch of the corners of his lips.

“Killua.” Gon pestered, reaching out a finger to poke the other boys’ cheek. Killua finally turned to look at him, his expression a mixture between annoyance and... fear, maybe?

“I dunno. Guess I just think they’re annoying usually.” He replied nonchalantly, bringing his head up so he could prop it up with his hands.

“I don’t think that’s really the reason.” Gon pressed, fully turning onto his side to look at Killua.

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say.” Killua gritted his teeth.

“I want you to say the truth, Killua.” Gon propped his body up on one forearm and tilted his head. Killua had gone back to not looking at him.

“Gon, I’m serious, I just don’t want to talk or think about it. Please drop the subject.” Killua was almost pleading. To anyone else it might seem like Killua is just getting more annoyed, but to his best friend of six years? Everything was out in the open. There was something else going on.

Gon had become more conscientious of other people’s feelings over the years they had been separated, but he was still stubborn, and when he really wanted something, he did almost anything to get it.

“No. I won’t drop the subject. It doesn’t just affect you, y’know? You drive off potential friends sometimes.” Killua stiffened and he ground his teeth together.

“I’m sorry. Maybe it’d be better if I just didn’t hang out with you then. Then I couldn’t drive off potential friends for you to get all cozy with.” Killua spat, making Gon’s mouth fall open.

“Killua, that’s insane! I obviously want to hang out with you the most, and you’re my best friend, but it’s good to have multiple friends! Why are you so against the idea!” Gon’s voice steadily crescendoed as he got more and more frustrated. Killua abruptly pushed himself up into a sitting position.

“Yeah?! You wanna know the real reason I drive away other people?! It’s because I’ve always been told that I can’t make friends! I’ve always gotten punished for trying to make friends!” Killua shouted with a tone he had never used on Gon before, and it made him flinch, shocked into silence. Killua took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been being told from birth that every one I would try to make friends with I would either betray, or I would be betrayed by them.” Killua turned and looked Gon directly in the eyes.

“I guess I’m kind of jealous of you. I never... had the optimism you had. I’ve never thought of every stranger as a possible friend. Everyone was just a possible enemy.” Killua closed his eyes and drew in a ragged breath that made Gon’s heart break. “When I was really young, some kids kicked a soccer ball my way and asked me to throw it back,” Killua’s voice cracked. “but before I could, my brother killed them. That was one of my only experiences with other kids before I met you. I got punished... so much when I got home. My voice was hoarse for days from all the screaming.” Killua stopped abruptly, as if only just realizing how much he had shared. “So, um, sorry if I’m kind of difficult to work with in the making friends department.” He finished hastily, looking from Gon down at his lap, not waiting to see the horror and shock that was certainly taking place in his best friends eyes.

Killua risked a glance at Gon and grimaced. He had over shared. Gon was shaking and glaring at the cement roof they were sitting on. Oh god he was never going to want to be Killua’s friend ever again. He had just admitted to being guilty for the murder of several innocent children.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry. I get why you’re mad, and you probably don’t-”

“Killua.” Gon cut him off. “I’m not mad at you. At all. I’m just... so fucking mad at your parents.” Gon gently cupped Killua’s hands in his. "You shine, Killua. Everything about you is just... I can’t describe it. My life pretty much revolves around when you snort because you were laughing too hard at a stupid joke I made. And when you roll your eyes at me because I’m being annoying, even though I can see that you’re smiling. When you beat me at a video game and you do your little victory dance. Every moment with you becomes my new favorite movement, and I’m so mad at your parents for making it so hard for people to know the Killua I know. And I’m so mad at them for doing all of that to you. You deserve friends. You deserve to be loved.” Gon reached out one shaking hand to brush Killua’s hair, nearly glowing, out of his eyes. 

Killua’s eyes were wide and glassy. He bit his lip, trying to stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes, but it was too late, and now he was bawling, clutching onto the front of Gon’s shirt and soaking it with his tears. Everything felt so detached, but he could feel Gon’s hands running over his back and he could hear Gon’s voice in his ear, whispering to him that he was amazing, and perfect, and loved.

How had he managed to find a friend like this? Someone who could keep up with him, someone who never batted an eye at the knowledge that he used to be an assassin, someone who loved him no matter what he did. Did he deserve this? Was he worth all of the love his best friend gave him?

The next morning found two boys, legs tangled together. Two boys with shirts soaked from tears shared mere hours before. Two boys who were normally so on edge, but who were sleeping with smiles on their faces, finally content to be with the person each boy loved most. A month later, when they admitted exactly how much they love each other, well, no one was surprised.


End file.
